[Previous entry: "Project Baseball: Parts 24 & 25"]
08/01/2005: "Ohio 2"
As a sometimes political junkie, especially when my reading material suits such a mindset -- as it does right now while I read What's The Matter With Kansas? -- I have my eye on tomorrow's special election for the House of Representatives in Ohio's 2nd District.
Paul Hackett, a former Marine who served in Iraq, is running for the Democrats in a district that voted 74 percent for Bush in the presidential election. Hackett seems to have a shot, though, especially after raising funds over the Internet for his campaign.
Next year, I'll be 25 years old, Constitutionally eligible to run for the House right here in New York's 14th District. All I have to do is beat Carolyn Maloney, who earned 81 percent of the vote in November. My initial plan was to attack her for not properly representing Queens (the district covers mostly Manhattan, where she is from), but it turns out that she carried 85 percent of the Queens vote, and most of the voters were in Manhattan anyway.
That reduces my campaign strategy pretty much to name-calling. But that's pretty much how American politics work now anyway, right? So I should be a shoo-in.
My main policy initiatives would be a national happy hour, a pay raise for Congress, giving guns to garbagemen so they can shoot rats, another pay raise for Congress, the death penalty for people who honk their horns at red lights in the middle of the night or early morning, still another pay raise for Congress, outlawing televised poker and one more pay raise for Congress.
I'll save the really good stuff, like standardized prison sentences for people who don't flush the toilet at work, and pay raises five through seventy-two, until my second term.
I just have to hope that my political enemies never lay eyes on this entry and find out that my main reason for wanting to be in Congress is for the better pay and better hours, along, of course, with the fast track it would put me on towards the Senate, where I'll really get things done.
Remember: Spector In '06. Working For You.*
*By "You," I mean "Me."
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