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02/23/2005: "Random Thoughts 10"
I've been battling a total nuisance of a head cold. Tissues help my runny nose. The Internet helps my runny brain...
Is there a difference between buck naked and butt naked? I know that George Costanza's pretend porn name was Buck Naked, and that earlier this season, Princeton was in dead, butt-naked last place in the Ivy League basketball standings. But is there a definitive "b-naked" term?
At the end of his column on Sunday, Mike Lupica compared Freddie Mitchell to a German from World War II. I'll just take that as independent confirmation that I was right that there's "a clear link between (the Phildalphia Eagles, their) fans and National Socialism."
The old Tootsie Roll jingle, "Whatever it is I think I see... becomes a Tootsie Roll to me," is a little creepy. Next thing you know, you're walking around and trying to take a bite out of a lamppost that looks oh, so chocolatey sweet. Perhaps those ads were created by the American Dental Association.
Speaking of which, it's got to be about seven years since I went to a dentist. It's not that I'm scared, or even that I don't like the dentist. I never had a bad experience or anything. It's just that finding and going to a new dentist is on my list of things to do right between buying a grilled cheese maker and figuring out why my portable CD player display doesn't work right.
Undefeated Rangers! Whoo! (Aw, who am I kidding?)
Making sure that a colander is completely rinsed is underrated on the list of insanely difficult household tasks. Is that a droplet of water or a soap bubble? There's no way to tell, and nobody wants their next dish of pasta to be soapy.
Poor Paris Hilton. Here she is, just trying to live a quiet life, and somebody steals her cell phone numbers. Can't she please just get some peace? Turn the spotlight away! I mean it, really, turn the spotlight away.
Even though I think it would be cool, I don't want the Olympics in New York. It just doesn't make sense for a city with gigantic financial problems to spend so much money on stuff that will be used for two weeks seven years from now. Sure, there'll be some housing, but what do we need with a velodrome? Or a water polo arena?
Why is it impossible to find Bugs Bunny cartoons on TV now? They didn't stop being funny. I should be able to see them. Roseanne is on 17 different channels about 86 times a day, and I can't find any Bugs Bunny? Who's got the brain fog, me or the TV executives?
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