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12/21/2004: "Random Thoughts 8"
My brain, as usual, is a 10-car pileup of insanity and inanity. Here comes the cleanup crew...
With all the hurricanes this year, I wonder how that crop report is going to effect the Frozen Concentrated Orange Juice futures market. I also wonder whether Eddie Murphy will ever make a good movie again.
The high temperature yesterday was 20 degrees. In this weather, people lined up 24 hours in advance in the Bronx for tickets to Yankee games for next season. Isn't that why Al Gore invented the Internet? Why in the world would anybody willingly be outside for 24 minutes in that kind of cold, let alone 24 hours?
Every team in the NFC is still mathematically alive for the playoffs except the 49ers. I really want the Rams or Seahawks to win the West at 7-9. Call it parity, call it competitive balance, whatever. I call it mediocrity. Someone needs to explain to me how the NFL gains in popularity all the time when the quality of play gets worse and worse every year.
The Panthers, who started the season 1-7, can clinch a playoff spot this week. They'd be 7-8 and guaranteed a spot in the playoffs! They need to win, have the Rams lose, the Saints lose or tie, the Bears lose or tie, the Seahawks win and the Redskins-Cowboys game to end in a tie. I think 0-0 or 3-3 is a possibility in that tilt. Ugh. I mean, it's good for drama when a a .125 winning percentage over the first half of the season still puts you in position to clinch a playoff spot in Week 16, but shouldn't crapping the bed for an entire half of a season pretty much send you back to the drawing board?
Also, someone at work noted on Sunday that there are multiple awful coaches in the NFL named Mike: Martz, Sherman, Shanahan and Tice. Holmgren isn't so hot either. The only good one seems to be Mularkey. Then there's two terrible Dennises: Green and Erickson. For my money, though, the worst coach in the league is still Jim Haslett, who managed to turn the Saints from a team on the rise into a complete non-entity (albeit a complete non-entity that's still mathematically alive to make the playoffs). I'm not even a Saints fan, and I want to throw a brick at the TV when they're playing. Tice is really coming on strong, though.
I have several pencils in a cup on my desk, but no pencil sharpener. I'm not going to buy one, either, since I almost never use a pencil. I could throw the pencils out, but that seems like a waste. So I'm stuck with a cup full of completely useless wood sticks.
Womack! You piece of shit! Why am I not surprised? (The Yankees made it official today, a two-year contract for me to repeat that line 18 times a game).
Why didn't things work out for Shirley Manson and Garbage? I mean, it's not like I was their biggest fan or anything, but shouldn't they have gone on to be like an electronically-influenced version of No Doubt?
A piece of spam recently came to my inbox, notifying me that I could buy hGH on the Internet. They touted it as having been "seen on NBC, CBS, and CNN, and even Oprah!" That's kind of like billing "Home Alone 2" as having been "reviewed by Roger Ebert!"
Song you'll never hear at a wedding: Nirvana's "Rape Me." Well, maybe if Kobe renews his vows. OK, I'm going to Hell for even having thought of that, let alone having written it. And I don't know why that popped into my head right now, rather than several months ago.
Why did MTV take "The Real World" off the air for three weeks? Plus, from the previews they've been showing, it looks like things are finally going to get interesting, what with Landon going completely off the deep end and Melanie crying because everybody hates her... although it looks like Sarah is going to remain a total self-absorbed tramp. This season has been a total dud up to this point -- I've been most disappointed in the lack of comedic influence from Flaming Willie, who turns out to be perhaps the dullest guy on the show because he has more than six brain cells -- I thought he'd be good for as much humor in my life as Kazuhito Tadano. The whole thing might be saved if that knife in Landon's back pocket accidentally slips and goes where the sun don't shine, resulting in the first-ever reality TV proctology exam.
I much prefer the Real World/Road Rules Challenge, where the women's team is a weekly study in "Wow, they're nuts!" That, and, "How many shots of Tonya in a tank top or bikini can we cram into an episode?" This is not a complaint. And they all hate each other more and more with each week. Even when they think they're getting their act together, they snap back to life with some kind of petty argument. I wind up rooting for the sane people to get voted off every week to keep this unbelievable run going. I wasn't alive for the 1977 Yankees, so this might be the most dysfunctional team of my lifetime, although I'm willing to listen to arguments on this one.
Why doesn't Wendy's have breakfast?
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